Over the past few weeks, I have really felt God turning around my ways of thinking and ways of feeling. Just when I think I have been stretched farther than I ever have before, the stretching starts again, only this time with much more intensity. I have always been a very soft-hearted person. Whether it was having pity on some baby animal I found in my yard, or crying with a friend going through a tough situation. I truly believe that I feel things a little deeper than most people, and I believe God gave me this as a gift so that I can have compassion and help people. I learned at a very young age that I have to guard my heart to protect the tenderness God has placed inside of me. This meant not watching movies with too much intensity, or movies that are incredibly sad, just to be sad. Because when I am watching something, I am living it. We have all heard the song “Oh be careful little eyes what you see, for the father up above is looking down in love….” But not until I realized that I am not being careful because God is watching for me to do something bad for me to be ashamed about, but that God is trying to protect me from things did I realize that everything I see passes through my eyes and makes a bee line for my heart.
God dropped something into me the other day as I found myself, yet again, sobbing during a movie. I was watching Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns, and there was a single mom breaking down because she is unable to provide food for her children, and talking about how many times she went to bed hungry because there just wasn’t enough. I found myself feeling more sorrow in my heart than I have felt in a long time. The same feeling happened a few days later as I was watching Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail, (and yes, I love Tyler Perry Movies) The story follows a young prostitute who finds hope with the help of a woman minister who comes around handing out condoms and clean needles to all the prostitutes and crack addicts on the street. I had to pause the movie a few times because of the heaviness in my heart. I asked God why I was feeling such heavy sorrows. I have always been tender-hearted, but this was a totally new level of hurt I was experiencing. God then revealed something to me. He said, “This is the difference between tenderness and brokenness.”
This floored me. I was broken, truly broken. Not for the characters of the movies, but for the people of this world. The real single mothers who have to bear the burden of providing for their families. For the mothers who go to bed hungry when there isn’t enough food. For the young girls who become prostitutes because of molestation, abuse, hurt, etc. For the children born from this prostitution, and for every child who has to live in fear every day of their lives. Whether it is fear of an abusive family member, or fear of not having enough to eat, a roof, a mom or dad to say I love you. I was broken for every human being who is missing out on the amazing love of a Father.
To have tenderness, or to be soft hearted, is sometimes nothing more than feeling sorry for someone and moving on. For something broken, something has to be done to fix it. If you break your leg, you don’t think “wow, this hurts a lot.” and then just go on with your life. No, you fix it. If we are to truly be the hands and feet of Jesus, this means we actually have to use our hands and feet and do something about the people who are hurting. You might have to actually touch that homeless person on the street. You might have to hug that child who has aids. You might have to work hard for absolutely no recognition.
To be broken by the things that break God’s heart is my desire. I don’t want to waste my emotions on sad movies, songs, news, etc. I want to leave room in my heart for God to move me with compassion for the right things. If I am consumed by pointless emotions, I won’t see those opportunities. I don’t want to be tender, I want to be broken.
